Most parents I know go quiet about three days before the 11+. The talking stops, the worry takes over, and by the morning of the exam they're more anxious than the child is. That's the bit that catches you out. You spend a year telling your child to stay calm and then on the day you're the one needing to be talked off a ledge.
Exam day isn't the time to teach anything new. The work is done. Whatever your child knows by Saturday morning, that's what they're walking in with. Your job on the day is much smaller and much harder. You're trying not to mess it up.
Here's what I learned watching my own son sit his Reading 11+ a couple of years ago, plus what I've heard back from parents in Kent, Buckinghamshire and Birmingham who've been through it since.
What to do the night before the 11 plus
The temptation is to squeeze in a final practice paper. Don't. Nothing your child does on the Friday evening is going to push their score up on Saturday morning. Practice papers the night before tend to do one of two things, and both of them are bad. They'll either ace it and get cocky, or they'll wobble on a question and panic about that one missed mark for the next sixteen hours.
Pack the bag together. Sharpened pencils. Spares. A rubber. A water bottle. The admission letter or test entry slip. Read it twice. Check the time you need to arrive, the door you need to use, and what the school actually wants the child to bring. Then put everything by the front door so you're not hunting for things at 7am.
Eat a proper meal. Not pizza, not anything heavy. Pasta, chicken, something they like and won't sit on their stomach. Then do something normal. Watch a film. Play a board game. The aim is to make Friday evening feel like any other Friday evening, not the night before something enormous.
Bedtime should be earlier than usual but not radically so. If your child normally goes to bed at nine, don't put them down at half seven and expect them to sleep. They'll just lie there and stew. Forty-five minutes earlier is fine.
Exam day morning routine that actually works
Get up early enough that nothing has to be rushed. If the test is at 9am and the school is twenty minutes away, you're up by 7. Not 7.30. Late running is the single biggest source of avoidable stress on exam day.
Breakfast needs both protein and slow carbs. Porridge with banana. Eggs on toast. Yoghurt with granola. Avoid sugar bombs like jam on white bread or sugary cereal, because the crash hits about an hour in, which is exactly the wrong time. A glass of water and a glass of milk or juice. Not coffee, even if your eleven-year-old has somehow got into it.
Don't quiz them on the way there. Don't ask them what they remember about ratios. Don't run through the verbal reasoning code-breaking technique one last time. Talk about something else. Football, dogs, what's for dinner, anything. Their brain needs to be fresh, not full of last-minute revision noise.
If your child seems nervous, name it. Say something like "you might feel a bit sick on the way there, that's normal, it doesn't mean anything's wrong." Anxiety you've named loses a lot of its power. Anxiety they're trying to hide grows.
The drop-off itself
Get there with at least fifteen minutes to spare. Walk to the gate. Don't stand around making it a big production. A quick hug, "you've got this, I love you, see you after," and turn and go. The longer the goodbye, the worse the wobble.
Some schools, like the Reading and Kendrick group in Berkshire or the Latymer in Edmonton, run a proper organised drop-off with marshals and a holding area. Others, especially smaller indies, are much more chaotic. If you're heading to one of the chaotic ones, it's worth a recce earlier in the week so you know exactly where to go on the day. One less thing to think about when your stomach is in knots.
What to do while your child is sitting the test
This is the bit nobody talks about. Most 11+ exams run between an hour and a half and three hours depending on the format. You can't really go home, or you can but you'll just pace. You can't focus on work either.
Bring a book. A proper book, not your phone. Doomscrolling is the worst possible thing for your nervous system right now. Some schools have a parent waiting area, some don't. If yours doesn't, find a café within ten minutes and sit there.
Don't compare notes with other parents. The conversation always drifts to who's been tutored, what mock score their child got, and which super-selective they're sitting next month. None of that helps you. Smile, be polite, and read your book.
What to say (and not say) at pick-up
Your child will come out of the exam in one of three states. Buzzing, deflated, or weirdly blank. All three are normal. None of them tell you anything about how they actually did.
The temptation is to debrief immediately. "How was it? What came up? Did you finish the maths? Was the comprehension hard?" Resist. Don't ask anything that could trigger a wrong answer in their head. Just hug them and say "well done for finishing." That's it. Maybe a treat on the way home, ice cream, a milkshake, whatever they like.
If they start telling you about a question they got wrong, listen and reassure. "One question doesn't change much. The whole paper is what counts." Don't pretend you know how it'll come out, because you don't, and they can tell when you're faking confidence.
If they cry, let them cry. The release of months of pressure has to go somewhere. It doesn't mean they did badly.
What to do after the 11 plus exam (before results)
This is its own kind of hard. The wait between sitting the test and getting results runs from two weeks to three months depending on the area. Kent results land in mid-October. Buckinghamshire too. Berkshire and most of London come back later, usually before Christmas.
Don't dissect the paper at home. Don't search forums for "what was on the [School] paper this year." There's always one parent online claiming their child found it easy. There's another claiming it was harder than ever. Neither helps you sleep.
Get back to normal life. Football on Saturdays. Dinner at the table. Talk about anything except 11+ for at least a week. Your child needs to know their worth to you isn't tied up in a test result, and the way you behave between exam day and results day tells them that more clearly than anything you say out loud.
How ReadyFor11 fits in
If exam day is still months away and you're trying to work out how prepared your child actually is, that's what we built ReadyFor11 for. It's a free, honest 11+ readiness check that tells you which areas your child is strong on and which need more work. No paywall, no marketing fluff. Plenty of parents use it the spring or summer before the exam to find out what to focus on without having to commit to a full prep platform. You can try it at readyfor11.co.uk.
FAQ
Should I let my child have a day off school the Friday before the 11+?
Most teachers I've spoken to say no. School routine is calming. A day off at home leads to either too much last-minute revision or too much TV, and neither helps. Send them in.
My child has been ill in the week before the exam. What now?
Most grammar school admissions teams will let you defer or sit a back-up paper if the illness is documented. Get a GP note that day. Don't wait until exam morning to make the call. Each authority handles this differently, and Kent and Buckinghamshire have clear illness policies on their council websites worth reading early.
What if my child runs out of time on the day?
It happens. The test is designed so most children can't finish every question. Tell them in advance, if you get stuck, mark a guess, move on, come back later. Time spent staring at one question is time stolen from five others.
Should I let my child see their old practice paper scores the morning of the exam?
Why would you. Old scores tell them nothing useful at this point, and a poor one will sit in their head for hours. The morning of the test is for being calm, not for revisiting evidence of past struggles.
If you're reading this with months still to go, the best thing you can do for exam day is build steady, low-pressure preparation in now. Try ReadyFor11 for a free readiness check and you'll know exactly where your child stands.